he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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