so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
