dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
