The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
