Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
