she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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