ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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