FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
