Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
