I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
