only if we run a train.
done.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
