he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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