I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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