we made out on top of his cat.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
