Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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