I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
