i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
