She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
