i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
