Duck Duck Cougar?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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