you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
