When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
