Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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