I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
he thought i was a dude.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
