do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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