i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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