Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
