She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
