It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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