Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
