community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
