thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
