I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
