they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize
