Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
