well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
