That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
