MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
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