I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
