dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
