I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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