So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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