She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
