It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
