Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
