They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
