Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
