I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
