Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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