K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
