Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
