Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
