I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
